a reasonable prayer request

What results from fear over faith?

I deny God's promises and blessings.

I bring hardship upon me and my family.

The Lord is not with me.

One of our pastors at church spoke these words many months ago and God has been pruning my heart with them since then. And then the other day I got an email from a sweet friend who is in the waiting period of bringing their precious little boy home from Ethiopia and God reminded me again of how He prunes my faith.

Through the course of some circumstances and events in our life recently I've come to realize that my faith has been faltering. I've been allowing my circumstances to dictate my faith instead of placing my faith in God, the Faithful One. And as I've done this, so much in my heart and spirit have seemed to crumble. There are certain life events for which there are no good words to explain what happens to your heart, your mind, your spirit, and your faith. And because I've allowed myself to place faith in outcomes, desires, and circumstances, my walk with Jesus has and my view of the glory and holiness of God has been severely hurt.

I've lost the ability to believe in God doing the impossible. My hopes are limited to what is likely in this world. My faith has been brought down to what is reasonable and likely to happen anyway. I walk in fear over faith. And I crumble.

I am at a loss for words. My heart cries out for forgiveness from my gracious God, saying, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

In my reading through the Bible I am in 2 Chronicles. This week I read the story of Asa & Jehoshaphat, two kings of Judah, and was keenly made aware of what truly trusting in God to see me through the impossible. These men saw before them the impossible, and in response they fasted, they prayed, they gave glory to God and worshiped Him, they believed in the One who created them and whose power is far greater than the prince of the world (1 John 4:4).

And God said to Jehoshaphat,

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you."

I don't want to pray a reasonable prayer request. I don't want to follow a god I have in a box. I don't want to live in the chains He has freed me from. So in my broken, weak, crumbling faith I ask God that I will not let fear triumph and that He will continually and recognizably abide with me.

Abide With Me

Abide with me; falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers, fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, abide with me.

Thou on my head, in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious, and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence, every passing hour.
What but Thy grace, can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless
Ills have no weight, tears lose their bitterness
Where is thy sting death? Where grave thy victory?
I triumph still, abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross, before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, Lord, abide with me.