faith and brokenness

As I've been processing through some heart changing thoughts and lessons on faith God has brought the picture of brokenness into my mind. Faith is something that I seem to treat as a roller coaster...sometimes my faith is up, sometimes it is down. What God has been showing me lately is that when I look at faith like that I am placing my faith in the outcomes of my desires. And by doing that, I am allowing my circumstances to dictate my views of God. So instead of keeping my eyes, heart, and life fixed and focused on Christ and His glory I put Him in a box and believe so little. I really desire to get to a point where I don't let me circumstances control my faith but instead allow God to strengthen my faith as I walk through life being led by Him. Because of some circumstances in my life recently I've been forced to be broken. To realize I can't control, dictate, organize, and "work" my way through things. And in my mind I don't want to...I truly want to let God be in control. Why the struggle then? My human sin clearly keeps tripping me up. A verse that came to mind yesterday was Psalm 51:16-17:

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;

you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

God does not want or need me to organize and control and structure the faith I bring to Him. He desires my faith to placed in Him alone. He is the object of my faith. My faith is in my Faithful God, not my circumstances. A broken spirit and a contrite heart is what He desires. So what is brokenness? As I've thought on this I've come to two thoughts. One, brokenness is exactly what it sounds like at first. It is me being humble, vulnerable, honest, and my hurting self before God. Confessing my sin, acknowledging my inability, praising His faithfulness and His unchanging character, seeking His glory and not my own. But I think often I move from this type of brokenness right back to where I didn't want to be in the first place. Organizing and controlling and boxing God in to my ideas, desires, and ways. So what is the answer? I'm coming to learn that brokenness should be leading me from a place of repentance to a place of dependence. A broken spirit is one that walks in faith fully dependent on God and not self. And that is where I am. Trying to walk in faith, remain broken before God so I can be dependent on Him alone. Because His ways are higher than mine, His word is truth, His love endures, and He is always and forever Faithful. The words of this song speak very powerful truths to my heart.

My soul finds rest in God alone, My Rock and my salvation,
A fortress strong against my foes, And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse, And lies like arrows pierce me,
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness, I’ll look to Him who hears me.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone
Amid the world’s temptations;
When evil seeks to take a hold
I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go,
Don’t set your heart upon them;
The fields of hope in which I sow
Are harvested in heaven.

I’ll set my gaze on God alone,
And trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul,
And He will prove His mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath,
A sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death
And I am His forever.

O praise Him, O praise Him, hallelujah, hallelujah,
O praise Him, O praise Him, hallelujah, hallelujah,
O praise Him, O praise Him, hallelujah! hallelujah!