Saturday, March 30, 2013

another random picture update

I dream of keeping my pictures up here on a regular basis, but here I am again, with a little overload.  Thankful for these little people who make my life so much better!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

waiting, waiting

After months of prayer, tears & paperwork I think I can safely say we are finally so very near to bringing Paulina home!  On Saturday I finally got the email that started an actual countdown of days for us.  Our dossier is in the hands of the governing ministry that will approve us as adoptive parents within 20 working days and will then officially "invite" us within 10 more days to our appointment in country that will be scheduled 2-3 weeks from that letter.  Whew.  There may be fewer than 8 weeks that stand between my and my sweet girl and I cannot wait!  I am so ready to know her.  

Going through these last months I have and still am learning so very much about faith, waiting, God's sovereignty, and peace.  I don't have it all (or much of it for that matter) figured out but one thing that God has made clear to me has been the difference between anxiety/fear and eagerness/longing.  When I talk of Paulina and the road God is guiding us through I struggle because sometimes it can seem like I am anxious and not trusting God.  And there are surely times and circumstances in which I am being driven by my fears and worry but I think there is a great different between that and the deep, deep eagerness and longing I have to bring her home.  When I say I am so ready, or I can't wait, or it is so hard, I am not saying I don't trust God and His plans, I am saying I completely do trust Him and depend on Him and long for the promises that He has made to us as we've walked this journey.  I am not doubting His goodness, I am ready to see it more and more through Paulina.

The difference for me between not trusting Him and fully trusting Him is definitely whether or not I am being led by fears or by eager longing.  Fears produce lack of faith and attempts at "controlling" the path, while eagerness produces a greater and growing desire for more of His plan and His control.

So, I keep waiting, casting my anxieties on Jesus and eagerly longing for the goodness that I know is coming.