" 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery--" Ephesians 5:31-32
Andrew & I are reading Tim Keller's, The Meaning of Marriage. The first chapter goes to page 49 so let's just say it is a book I have to work hard to read. And by that I mean I can't just read a page or two one day, pick it up another, and have any good connection to what I read the last time. It's a thinker. But I am enjoying it so far. I took it to the gym and hopped on a treadmill and read the first chapter in one workout. Double whammy. Here is a little excerpt that got me.
The Meaning of Marriage
We should rightly object to the binary choice that both traditional and contemporary marriage seem to give us. Is the purpose of marriage to deny your interests for the good of the family, or is it rather to assert your interests for the fulfillment of yourself? The Christian teaching does not offer a choice between fulfillment and sacrifice but rather mutual fulfillment through mutual sacrifice. Jesus gave himself up; he dies to himself to save us and make us his. Now we give ourselves up, we dies to ourselves, first when we repent and believe the gospel, and later as we submit to his will day by day. Subordinating ourselves Him, however, is radically safe, because he has already shown that he was willing to go to hell and back for us. This banishes fears that loving surrender means loss of oneself.
So, what do you need to make marriage work? You need to know the secret, the gospel, and how it gives you both the power and pattern for your marriage. On the one hand, the experience of marriage will unveil the beauty and depths of the gospel to you. It will drive you further into reliance on it. On the other hand, a greater understanding of the gospel will help you experience deeper and deeper union with each other as the years go on.
There, then, is the message of this book--that through marriage, "the mystery of the gospel in unveiled." Marriage is a major vehicle for the gospel's remaking of your heart from the inside out and your life from the ground up.
The reason marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is painful and wonderful at once. The gospel is this: We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared to believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope. This is the only kind of relationship that will really transform us. Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God's saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling and rest in God's mercy and grace.
The hard times of marriage drive us to experience more of this transforming love of God. But a good marriage will also be a place we experience more of this kind of transforming love at a human level. The gospel can fill our hearts with God's love so that you can handle it when your spouse fails to love you as he or she should. That frees us to see our spouse's sins and flaws to the bottom--and speak of them--and yet still love and accept our spouse fully. And when, by the power of the gospel, our spouse experiences that same kind of truthful yet committed love, it enables our spouses to show us that same kind of transforming love when the time comes for it.
This is the great secret! Through the gospel, we get both the power and the pattern for the journey of marriage. "
take from page 47-49, The Meaning of Marriage
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