After a few minutes of this I found myself spiraling and realized, I have no idea which of these thoughts are from God and which are not. I just keep thinking. I start a thought and follow a train out to who knows where and I don't at all think about where these thoughts are originating or who (i.e.Satan) is driving me from thought to thought and into sin.
Often, my thoughts, when unchecked, are driven by my fears and anxieties. My insecurities and feelings of always falling short of some mark (parenting, being a wife, being a good friend, having good friends, being well-liked, and so on). I hate where these unchecked thoughts often lead me and yet I never really stop to ask, is God pushing these thoughts? Am I pursuing Him through these thoughts? I know I can and should think about things that convict and reveal sin but I need to be more aware and careful of letting Christ control my mind. I've been reading James this last week and one thing God has been teaching me is that His motives and intent behind everything He teaches me is for my good and His glory. On the other hand, the motives and intent of the temptings of Satan in my life are always always for my destruction and never for the glory of God. This has been a huge reminder to me and great challenge especially as I deal with my specific bents towards sin and the struggles that just seem to never want to go away in my life.
Okay, in light of all that, and as I am reminded to see what is of God and what is not, He is teaching me more and more that drawing close to His word is when I know best who He is which is truly the only way I can differentiate His voice from Satan's deceit and those are the times I eagerly desire to die to myself and my flesh and refuse to let sin overcome me and instead be overcome by my freedom through Christ and my identity in Him alone.
Longest. Sentence. Ever.
I really need His words of life. I really want to be reading and resting in them daily. I really fall short in this area. But I am trying. So, here are some words of life that God has been working in me over the last few months.
"And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.
The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:10-11
As we move forward with adoption, but I really mean this as we move forward just in general in following the Lord's will for our lives, I pray that it will be true of me that at the end of my days I will have spent myself completely and been guided always by the Lord.
What words of life is He working in you right now?