Pages

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

lessons learning

Lately we've been having some melt downs. Crying. Yelling. Whining. You name it. It's not been pretty. Disobedience. Defiance. Stubborn sinful pride.

You may think I am talking about my kiddos here but the truth is the person I just described is just as often me as it is them.

When Madeline rebels I ache for her. I lament my own shortcomings and weep over my feelings of failures as a mama. I cry out to help her, teach her, make it all better. If only I think. If only she would hear my words and listen. Know that I am doing what's best for her. Trust that I will take care of her. If only. How can I love her enough to make her see? Can I?

She's a sinner. And so am I. When I read my Father's word I often walk away. I ignore His calling. I trip and fall over my stubborn sinful pride. I say yes Lord and turn and do nothing. I say send me Lord and walk back to my self and my ways.

And He loves me. And He knows that if only. If only I would listen, let Him lavish His love upon me. If only I would desire Him above all else. He would and will always answer. He will never change. He will be there.

Instead I live a life that gives me all the glory and acts as if I've given it to Him. I ache over all this. I want to live differently. How do I turn my eyes from me to Him?

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

I so wish this to be true of my heart. Desire beyond anything I can imagine. I am praying this for myself daily-to long for my Savior.

Riches I heed naught, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance, now and always
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art

I definitely heed my riches and even more so man's empty praise. I am praying this for myself daily-to treasure my Savior as my perfect inheritance.

High King of heaven, my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heavens sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all

Whatever befall. I am praying this for myself daily-to know my Jesus is victorious over sin and to live for heaven's joys.



No comments: