lessons learning

Lately we've been having some melt downs. Crying. Yelling. Whining. You name it. It's not been pretty. Disobedience. Defiance. Stubborn sinful pride.

You may think I am talking about my kiddos here but the truth is the person I just described is just as often me as it is them.

When Madeline rebels I ache for her. I lament my own shortcomings and weep over my feelings of failures as a mama. I cry out to help her, teach her, make it all better. If only I think. If only she would hear my words and listen. Know that I am doing what's best for her. Trust that I will take care of her. If only. How can I love her enough to make her see? Can I?

She's a sinner. And so am I. When I read my Father's word I often walk away. I ignore His calling. I trip and fall over my stubborn sinful pride. I say yes Lord and turn and do nothing. I say send me Lord and walk back to my self and my ways.

And He loves me. And He knows that if only. If only I would listen, let Him lavish His love upon me. If only I would desire Him above all else. He would and will always answer. He will never change. He will be there.

Instead I live a life that gives me all the glory and acts as if I've given it to Him. I ache over all this. I want to live differently. How do I turn my eyes from me to Him?

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art

Thou my best thought, by day or by night

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

I so wish this to be true of my heart. Desire beyond anything I can imagine. I am praying this for myself daily-to long for my Savior.

Riches I heed naught, nor man's empty praise

Thou mine inheritance, now and always

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart

High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art

I definitely heed my riches and even more so man's empty praise. I am praying this for myself daily-to treasure my Savior as my perfect inheritance.

High King of heaven, my victory won

May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heavens sun

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all

Whatever befall. I am praying this for myself daily-to know my Jesus is victorious over sin and to live for heaven's joys.