lean in and draw near

I am a bit weary in life right about now.  There are a vast array of big and little reasons spurring this weariness on.  If you gazed through my window you wouldn't see anything grand or drastic happening.  No out of the ordinary obedience or disobedience by my children.  We aren't living off of pizza and cereal nor am I cooking any five course meals.  My kitchen floors might be covered with cheerios and the back door cluttered with shoes but that's normal.  It's not a practical weariness.  It's actually hard to pin down.  I keep resting my head on my pillow at night and deeply sighing.  Wondering, what will take away this weary?  When will it go?  I'm tired.  I'm overwhelmed.  I'm feeling like I just won't ever get it together.  

A few nights ago Madeline lost it over cleaning her room but mostly she was tired and I knew it.  I gave her lots of graces and watched as her little mind and heart tormented over whether to sit in her frustration or be lifted up out of it with me and move forward.  She ended in my arms, crying and talking it through.  We talked of forgiveness and reminded ourselves that we can't ever try hard enough to be right and have it all together.  But, thankfully, the frustration in all that reveals all the more the beauty of Christ and our deep need for Him.  We are weak and we will fail.  Christ calls us in our weakness and failure and draws us into His forgiveness, grace, and love.  We need only to lean in and draw near to Him.  

Lean in and draw near.  As Lent begins tomorrow this is where I find myself.  Weak, weary, overwhelmed, and very very aware of my need for Jesus.  Now I need only to go to Him.  The question will be whether I will sit in my weariness or be lifted up out of it with Him and move forward.  Forward to the fullness of life with Jesus.  Forward in knowing Him, resting in Him, and also being obedient to give up my life for what He asks, even if it means I remain tired and overwhelmed.  Because dwelling in the weary tends to take life and make it all about me.  

And my life is not my own.  

I have been bought with a price.  

Lord, remind me.  Teach me to remember.  Teach me now to take my eyes off of me and gaze on You.  To give up dwelling in my weariness and sighing and lean in to You.  So I may see beyond myself and my days and be alive in Christ and who He is.  

Will you join me these next weeks leading up to Easter?  Join me in making your life wrapped up in Jesus and not in yourself.  Whatever you do, give something up, add something in, do it as you lean in and draw near to see, know, and glorify Him who gave His life.  

It's not about you.  

He is so much more.

Join me this Lent season in making space for Christ in your life.  I will be posting a bit on how we walk through Lent with our children, as well as Scripture each Wednesday that I am going through.