words of life: on waiting...

Psalm 68:4-6

"Sing praises to God and to his name!  Sing loud praises to him who rides the clouds.  His name is the Lord--rejoice in his presence!  Father to the fatherless, defender of the widows--this is God, whose dwelling is holy.  God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy"

We are in the midst of waiting.  Waiting for a precious little girl whom we love beyond our imaginations.  We are waiting for papers and details and people and so forth.  But our hearts are waiting with eager longing to have our lonely spot in our family filled up with her.  I read this Scripture, this beautiful promise, and know it is for each of us in this story.  She is the lonely and we are her family.  And we are also the lonely, and she is our family.  And above all, He is the Father, the Head, the Family.  The One and only who fulfills and satisfies all our loneliness.  Who draws us each into His presence and frees us to joyfully sing loud praises to Him and glorify His holy name.  

Waiting for me is not easy.  I question, I get angry, I cry, I don't understand.  We live in a fallen, sinful, ugly world where sin and flesh dictate so many lies and hurts that control and manipulate life.  It aches me to wait when I know her face, know her life, know her hope and future are filled with love and love and more love.  So we will choose to enter the suffering, the pain.  And fall before the Lord and recognize He is the Father to my sweet girl and to me.  He is the Hope and He loves beyond my imagination.  Greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world.  I will humble and push myself to believe, depend, and trust in God who is always working, Sovereign, Good, Loving, and Faithful.  Entering into the pain hurts, stretches, weakens me.  But she is worth every ache, and He is worthy of my life.  In hardship or at ease He is worthy and I would rather spend every day seeking His all-sufficient grace than one day of worldly ease without Him.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for theLORD.
Psalm 27:14


My soul waits for the Lord.  More than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
Psalm 130:6


Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. 
Isaiah 40:31

incredi-baby: Anna Elise, thank you, Lord!

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD; may your love and faithfulness always protect me." Psalm 40:11

This is always true, and we are thankful to have seen and experienced His mercy, love, faithfulness, and protection for our Anna in these last days.  A little recap for anyone who missed it...

On Sunday afternoon Anna fell off the edge of a playground at the park.  She was about 3 feet up and hit her head on a metal bar on the way down.  I was a few feet from her and scooped her up quickly.  Let's just say it was a terrible feeling to watch your baby fall like that and then know she was in pain.  I held and rocked and sang and prayed.  We decided to go to our pediatrician & friends house immediately to see what he thought.  We are so incredibly thankful for Dr. Jackson who always always goes over and beyond his "job" to help us.  He sent us to the ER to get a CT scan to check for bleeding.  The ER doctor and staff were very encouraging to us and no one thought anything would be wrong. We strapped our sweetie up to a machine and she laid there perfectly still and precious and had a red light scan her head.  We found out then that she had actually fractured her skull in two places and would need to see a pediatric neurologist at Children's Hospital in Little Rock.  This all happened within about 30 minutes of us getting to the ER.  It was crazy and overwhelming to say the least.  By 9pm we were in an ambulance headed to LR and still, Anna was perfect.  She never never complained and didn't even cry for the first time they put the IV in her little hand.  We got to the ER in Little Rock about midnight and then spent six very long hours waiting to be admitting.  I won't go into detail there but we were asked TONS of questions, Anna was xray'ed & scanned again, we attempted to sleep, and prayed for our sweet girl.  There were several things being looked at: bleeding on the brain, internal swelling and pressure, and the depth of the depression in her skull.  Any or all of these would have led to surgery but surgery risks were also high because of the veins that run beneath the area she broke.  After many many hours, we were finally told she would not need surgery, had no bleeding or swelling, and that the fractures would heal on their own!  Praise the Lord!  We were admitting then and taken to a room to keep watching her and double check everything with the head pediatric neurologist when she got in.  As was expected, she agreed and told us we would be soon able to leave.  


So, less than 24 hours later, we were driving away and our Anna was fine.  She has a good little bruise and we will definitely be watching her for any signs of new symptoms but, overall, she is great!  


We are so unbelievably thankful for God's work in our lives and for protecting Anna.  We were also overwhelmingly humbled and thankful for our family and friends who bent over backwards for us through prayer, encouragement, messages, and love.  We could not ask for better community.  Thank you, Jesus!  May He be always glorified through wherever our lives take us and how He uses us to share Him to others.  

1 thessalonians 5:14

a verse God has placed heavily upon my heart

"take tender care of those who are weak"

not exactly sure where He leads

just praying to wait patiently and follow well

mercy, freedom, gladness, and light

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can’t satisfy?

This verse is from a song I randomly heard on the radio in Chickfila and don't know much more about it but I really liked these words.

In light of the truth that our home is in Heaven, it makes sense that our world is difficult, disappointing, and brings heartbreak. This world can't satisfy my longings, my achings, my desires.

But in brokenness there is revealed the beauty of Christ.

His mercy sets me free. He turns my sorrow to gladness. He transfers me from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of Light. How beautiful is the person, the promise, the hope, and the glory of Christ? He changes everything and makes all things new. Praise the Lord, o my soul. I can almost hear my heart heave a relieving sigh as I turn and rest in the One who saves me and holds my life in His loving, completely fulling, and more than satisfactory arms.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

a reasonable prayer request

What results from fear over faith?

I deny God's promises and blessings.

I bring hardship upon me and my family.

The Lord is not with me.

One of our pastors at church spoke these words many months ago and God has been pruning my heart with them since then. And then the other day I got an email from a sweet friend who is in the waiting period of bringing their precious little boy home from Ethiopia and God reminded me again of how He prunes my faith.

Through the course of some circumstances and events in our life recently I've come to realize that my faith has been faltering. I've been allowing my circumstances to dictate my faith instead of placing my faith in God, the Faithful One. And as I've done this, so much in my heart and spirit have seemed to crumble. There are certain life events for which there are no good words to explain what happens to your heart, your mind, your spirit, and your faith. And because I've allowed myself to place faith in outcomes, desires, and circumstances, my walk with Jesus has and my view of the glory and holiness of God has been severely hurt.

I've lost the ability to believe in God doing the impossible. My hopes are limited to what is likely in this world. My faith has been brought down to what is reasonable and likely to happen anyway. I walk in fear over faith. And I crumble.

I am at a loss for words. My heart cries out for forgiveness from my gracious God, saying, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

In my reading through the Bible I am in 2 Chronicles. This week I read the story of Asa & Jehoshaphat, two kings of Judah, and was keenly made aware of what truly trusting in God to see me through the impossible. These men saw before them the impossible, and in response they fasted, they prayed, they gave glory to God and worshiped Him, they believed in the One who created them and whose power is far greater than the prince of the world (1 John 4:4).

And God said to Jehoshaphat,

"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you."

I don't want to pray a reasonable prayer request. I don't want to follow a god I have in a box. I don't want to live in the chains He has freed me from. So in my broken, weak, crumbling faith I ask God that I will not let fear triumph and that He will continually and recognizably abide with me.

Abide With Me

Abide with me; falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers, fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, abide with me.

Thou on my head, in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious, and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence, every passing hour.
What but Thy grace, can foil the tempter's power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless
Ills have no weight, tears lose their bitterness
Where is thy sting death? Where grave thy victory?
I triumph still, abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross, before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies.
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, Lord, abide with me.

lessons learning

Lately we've been having some melt downs. Crying. Yelling. Whining. You name it. It's not been pretty. Disobedience. Defiance. Stubborn sinful pride.

You may think I am talking about my kiddos here but the truth is the person I just described is just as often me as it is them.

When Madeline rebels I ache for her. I lament my own shortcomings and weep over my feelings of failures as a mama. I cry out to help her, teach her, make it all better. If only I think. If only she would hear my words and listen. Know that I am doing what's best for her. Trust that I will take care of her. If only. How can I love her enough to make her see? Can I?

She's a sinner. And so am I. When I read my Father's word I often walk away. I ignore His calling. I trip and fall over my stubborn sinful pride. I say yes Lord and turn and do nothing. I say send me Lord and walk back to my self and my ways.

And He loves me. And He knows that if only. If only I would listen, let Him lavish His love upon me. If only I would desire Him above all else. He would and will always answer. He will never change. He will be there.

Instead I live a life that gives me all the glory and acts as if I've given it to Him. I ache over all this. I want to live differently. How do I turn my eyes from me to Him?

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art

Thou my best thought, by day or by night

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

I so wish this to be true of my heart. Desire beyond anything I can imagine. I am praying this for myself daily-to long for my Savior.

Riches I heed naught, nor man's empty praise

Thou mine inheritance, now and always

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart

High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art

I definitely heed my riches and even more so man's empty praise. I am praying this for myself daily-to treasure my Savior as my perfect inheritance.

High King of heaven, my victory won

May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heavens sun

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all

Whatever befall. I am praying this for myself daily-to know my Jesus is victorious over sin and to live for heaven's joys.

Baby Hands

"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

Last night I woke to the cries of my baby. Soft, sad, cries. We've been trying out new foods lately and several have not agreed with her little body. Needless to say, I have mama worry over every cry she makes, not wanting it to mean she's aching. I went to get her and she grabbed tightly to me. With a diaper check and a quick re-swaddling I scooped her up and went to rock. I was willing to nurse her but she just wanted to be close. Her head was on my shoulder, my arms held her tightly. She rested her inner hand flat on my check, sucked her other thumb, and placed those fingers on my chin. My kiss was constantly on her forehead. I held her tightly. I gently rocked her and couldn't keep from crying. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, like the emotion of being a mama. Her sweet baby hands stayed on my face and I prayed and sang softly over her. I knew I loved her. And I knew she loved me. I would do anything for her. And she would let me. I would hold her like that for hours. And that is exactly where she wanted to be. I was overwhelmed with being a mama. In the best, most intimate, deepest way I can imagine.

Andrew & I were talking with his parents on Sunday and were talking about underground seminaries. Andrew mentioned a pastor who went to teach at one of these and how the people there were so hungry for the Word. They couldn't understand why anyone would teach for just an hour or so. They longed for me. So he taught them for five straight days, 8 hours a day. He finished the Old Testament and they asked, what about the New Testament? As we were talking I wondered out loud, what would it be like to long for Jesus and His Words like that?

As I rocked, cherished, held, and tried to memorize my moment last night with Anna I could hear Jesus speaking to me. Come sit with me. Crawl up into My lap. Place your head on My shoulder. Put your hands on My face and hold on. Close your eyes and rest. Let Me love you. Let Me sing over you. Let Me meet your every need. Let Me be all you ever want. I promise, I will. I am Faithful. I am Love. Long for Me. I will delight in you.

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
When I am alone,
When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Power and Light

"See, my servant will prosper, he will be highly exalted. Many were amazed when they saw him--beaten and bloodied, so disfigured on would scarcely know he was a person. And he will again startle many nations. Kings will stand speechless in his presence. For they will see what they had not previously been told about; they will understand what they had not heard about."

Isaiah 52:13-15

"Let the ruins of Jerusalem break into joyful song, for the Lord has comforted his people. He has redeemed Jerusalem. The Lord will demonstrate his holy power before the eyes of all the nations. The ends of the earth will see the salvation of our God."

Isaiah 52:9-10

He comes in Power.

"O storm-battered city, troubled and desolate! I will rebuild you on a foundation of sapphires and make the walls of your houses from precious jewels. I will make your towers of sparkling rubies and your gates and walls of shining gems. I will teach all your citizens, and their prosperity will be great."

Isaiah 54:11-13

"No longer will violence be heard in your land, nor ruin or destruction within your borders, but you will call your walls Salvation and your gates Praise. The sun will no more be your light by day, nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you, for the Lord will be your everlasting light, and your God will be your glory. Your sun will never set again, and your moon will wane no more; the Lord will be your everlasting light and your days of sorrow will end."

Isaiah 60:18-20

He is our Light.

Light from the Son

He took up my pain

Bore my suffering

Was pierced for my transgressions

Crushed for my iniquities

Punished to bring me peace

Wounded to bring me healing

"We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6

"By this time it was noon, and darkness fell across the whole land until three 0'clock. The light from the sun was gone. And suddenly, the thick veil hanging in the Temple was torn apart. Then Jesus shouted, "Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!" And with those words he breathed his last." Luke 23:44-46

Spending today in remembrance, humility, and gratitude.

Feeling the weight of my sin.

Seeing the high payment that was made for me.

Waiting for the Light from the Son to return.

Looking forward to the healing and peace that comes with Sunday.

Satisfaction for the Soul

Sounds dreamy, huh? Sounds lovely. Sounds like everything I want. Where do I find this everything? I know where. I've met, experienced, enjoyed, and been lavished with it. Why then do I find myself wandering? Wandering in big things, little things, daily things. If only a had a little more money, time, energy, personality. If only. That is the road I hate. The one that sucks me in and leads me away from my Satisfaction, my Security, my Jesus, and toward lies, sin, my flesh, and the (in)securities of the world. And when I walk this road, I lose so much and gain so little. I sacrifice my intimacy with my God and it prevents me from receiving His abundant LOVE which He desires to lavish on me. And I complain. Complain because I am weary. Because I am longing, Because I am not finding the satisfaction for my soul. I am weary because I don't turn to my Savior.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28

Been trying to wrap my heart around this great quote from my BSF teacher a few weeks ago,

"When you are looking for satisfaction outside of Christ you have nothing to look forward to except weariness, anxiety, more stress, and endless, unrewarded striving."

Endless, unrewarded striving. How undreamy. Unlovely. Unlike anything I want.

"Show me the wonders of your great love" Psalm 17:7

Where do I find my satisfaction? I find it exactly where I seek it. When I seek it from the world, I find all the world has to offer me-disappointment, failure, endless, unrewarded striving. When I seek the only true God, creator and sustainer, I find my satisfaction in the never-ending wonders of His great love. So dreamy. So lovely. So everything I want. Only in Christ. Everything in Christ.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

look full in His wonderful face,

and the things of earth will grow strangely dim,

in the light of His glory and grace.

Faith in the Little

"His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.'" Matthew 25:21

When I decided to begin re-blogging & my wonderful friend Rachel offered to beautify it she told me I needed a title. So I began thinking. Of course I wanted something that was catchy & read "she's so effortlessly impressive". Hello sinful self. I have this ugly desire that continually creeps into and seeps out of my life. It is the desire to be known. To get a pat on the back. Be acknowledged. Thought highly of. Made a big deal out of. Be complimented (publicly of course). And so on. So ugly. And even though I see it & hate it about myself, even though I seem to be repenting of this OFTEN, I still want all those things.

So in the midst of coming up with a title for my blog God was again pruning my heart of my selfishness. And, as often He does, it came through my hubsy. We weren't even talking about my blog...we were just talking about life. Mine & his. Our kids. What we were "doing" with our lives. How were we honoring God? Glorifying His Name? Serving Him, loving Him, obeying Him, giving ourselves up for Him? I shamefully admit to Andrew, God, and now you, that I am willing to do anything He calls us to but I really want it to be BIG and NOTICABLE and IMPRESSIVE and so on. And through these emotions, my sweet patient Andrew, and my sweet patient Jesus, I am pruned. I hear Him asking me, are you faithful now? With your family? With your parenting? With loving your husband? With your sacrificial giving? With your church? With your friends? With Me? And the bigger question, are you satisfied in Me? Am I enough? He loves me, gives me life, surrounds me, upholds me...why do I look for more in the dark nothingness?

So my prayers become Lord, give me faith in the little so I can be faithful over a little. Not little in the sense of unimportant. But little in the eyes of the world. Unnoticed. Unacknowledged. Unappreciated. But great in the eyes of the one who created me. The One who called me from darkness to Light. The One whose approval is all that matters. In the eyes of the One I desperately want to love and live for. What a beautiful promise the master gives the servant in Matthew 25, enter into the joy of your master. Wow-that is where I want to be.

I love the hymn, Great is Thy Faithfulness, and especially the last verse, what joy to be guided & cheered by the Presence of God. So glad He is Faithful always.

Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
"Great is Thy faithfulness," Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!